We have to stop calling everyone we know our friends.
Whatever happened to referring to people as my neighbour, ex-colleague, business associate, acquaintance, client, daughter’s swimming coach, or hairdresser? Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and writing about relationships (as I’m sure you’ve noticed).
Don’t get me wrong—connections are important. But when did the person who sells you your flat white become your “friend”? Just because Sipho from accounting added you on LinkedIn doesn’t mean you’re now best buds destined to share secrets and Savannahs over a braai.
A Harvard study says we can only maintain about 150 stable relationships, known as Dunbar’s number. If you have 1,500 “friends” on social media, it’s time to reassess how many would help you move house or lend you a few rand when you’re broke. I’ve found that managing 100s of interactions can be exhausting and drain our cortisol levels. It’s no wonder we feel so stressed trying to keep up with everyone! Whatsapp groups are my worst!
Redefining these interactions helps preserve the integrity of true friendships. It’s about quality over quantity. I’m sooooo grateful for my real friends—those who sail with me through all kinds of weather!
So do me a favour: next time you introduce someone, consider if they’re just an acquaintance, colleague, or local barista. Embrace these distinctions. It’s a step toward more authentic relationships and brings a bit more honesty into our social fabric. And who knows? It might save you from asking an “acquaintance” to help you move a sofa on a rainy Saturday.
I see you,
xoxo Lee
Lee Mayimele 