Many of us unknowingly fall into the habit of seeking validation. One day, we’re just living our lives, and the next, we’re hooked on a powerful drug called validation. It starts innocently enough — a “like” here, a compliment there. But soon, the constant need for external approval becomes an addiction, and we find ourselves relying on strangers to feel good about ourselves.
Validation is like a sugar rush for the soul. It’s sweet, immediate, and feels wonderful in the moment. But just like sugar, it’s a fleeting high, leaving us craving more. This form of validation is often superficial, temporary, and unreliable.
I remember when my mood would swing based on the number of likes on my latest post or the compliments I received. Each time someone validated me, it was a quick fix that made me feel seen and appreciated. But as soon as the likes dwindled or the compliments stopped, I felt a void that no amount of external praise could ever fill. As a writer this is a tough one.
The Dangers of Relying on Strangers
Relying on strangers for validation puts our self-worth in the hands of people who don’t know our journey, struggles, or dreams. Their opinions are often based on fleeting impressions rather than the depth of our character. It’s like trying to quench our thirst with seawater — ultimately, it leaves us more parched.
This reliance can also make us lose touch with our authentic selves. We start molding ourselves to fit others’ expectations, constantly adjusting our actions and appearances for approval, neglecting our true passions, values, and identity.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
Weaning ourselves off the drug called validation requires a conscious effort to shift our focus from external approval to internal fulfilment. Here are some steps that have helped me:
Self-Awareness: Recognise when you’re seeking validation and understand why. Are you feeling insecure? Are you looking for reassurance? Understanding the root cause is the first step to addressing it.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your achievements and celebrate your uniqueness.
Gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life that don’t rely on external validation. Cultivate gratitude for the things that bring you joy, peace, and fulfilment. I have a PhD in this!
Inner Dialogue: Replace the need for external validation with positive self-talk. Affirm your worth and capabilities. Remind yourself that you are enough, just as you are. If you need help, read my poem You Are Enough. Okay?
Mindful Consumption: Be mindful of your social media usage and the content you consume. Follow accounts that inspire and uplift you, rather than those that make you feel inadequate. Again, I score top marks here! I use my SM so mindfully. So, so mindfully and don’t “follow” a single celeb/influencer that I don’t know personally OR who doesn’t bring me total JOY. (No checking, please Karen! There may very well be some gremlins of them still lying around)
Connect Authentically: Foster genuine connections with people who appreciate you for who you are. Seek out relationships where mutual respect and understanding are the foundation. My family, friends, colleagues and real peeps are my peeps.
The Sweet Freedom of Self-Acceptance
Breaking free from validation addiction is liberating. It allows us to reclaim our power and define our worth on our own terms. When we stop seeking approval from strangers, we open ourselves to a deeper, more meaningful relationship with ourselves.
It’s a journey, not a destination. There will be days when the allure of validation is strong, and that’s okay. The key is to remain committed to the path of self-acceptance and to remind ourselves that our true worth lies within, not in the fleeting opinions of others.
Let’s take a deep breath, look within, and celebrate the beautiful, unique individuals we are. Because we are more than enough, just as we are. And that’s a truth no amount of likes or compliments can ever change.
I mean no disrespect to anyone battling addiction. If you are struggling, please seek help.
(As a side note, I quit sugar many years ago — wine is not sugar… okay?)
I see YOU,
Lee
Lee Mayimele 