I was staring blankly out of the window. A storm was brewing and the wind was angry, looking like her man was screwing her best friend. I enjoyed observing the drama.
Drama watching has been my solace for the longest time, although I like to call it “observation”. A spot of research and development, if you like.
As the rain broke, so did my heart. The words on my screen told me of a young woman who was being brutally assaulted by her husband. She was on his visa in a foreign country. She felt trapped.
Although I did not know her personally, my heart connected badly to the story I was reading. I became entangled in a way I did not need.
I tried to retreat and detach. Back to my spot at the window where I could safely watch the storm drama around me spin and spin in the knowledge that the glass would buffer the harshness.
My instruction to my heart was clear :
Retreat. You have your own shit to worry about!
After my heart showed me who is boss, I allowed the sadness to flow through me. The surrender was not magical, like in the movies. It felt weird and hard and there was no feeling of relief at all. My heart was still feeling tight.
But, surrender was in progress and there was no turning back.
Staring blankly ahead once more, I sipped my ginger tea and said a simple prayer : “Thank you”
(Thank you for my home, thank you for my safety, thank you for the rain, thank you for my sensitivity, thank you for a heart in perfect working order)