My Thai massage did not have a happy ending and my doctor told me that I was “not the first person to suffer this fate”. Honestly.
Now, before you go wild and start picturing me lying topless, before your head goes to the vision of all the fat and balding men in Bangkok Tuk-Tuking home with their pants still bulging, hear me out.
I was there for a massage.
And it was in JoBurg. At a spa. A legit spa.
About 6 hours after the massage, I thought that I had contracted a dreaded disease. No, not from the Thai lady. Stop that. I had long forgotten about the massage.
I could not breathe. I had to stay hunched over. When I tried to sit up, I was in excruciating pain. I started off with Panado, but about 2 hours later, I needed morphine. I was in serious pain. Honestly.
My sister googled some words and we concluded that it must be a “collapsed lung”. My pain levels shot through the roof and I had to see a doctor. He sent me home with some “muscle relaxants” (honestly!). Less than 24 hours later, I was back in his office. Not relaxed in the least!
This time, he sent me to the ER and they did an X-Ray. A bit like a ping pong show, I guess.
The good news was that my lung was not collapsed. Stupid, Doctor-Google. I listened to X-Ray woman on the phone :
“There’s a lady here. Ja, she says she had a massage…” (I did!)
“Jaaaa, the one where the China girl sits on your bum” (Thai! Thai, you idiot)
“Ja, she says it was nice and soft..not sore” (It’s true, you Tom Yum head!)
“Jaaa, jaaa I wonder that too….”
I give up!, I thought as I Hunch Back of Notre-Dammed my ass back to the counter to collect my file.
I decided right there that if anyone else asked, I would have to lie. I mean, can you imagine me telling my mother in law that I needed to RELAX and ended up with two fractured (nearly broken) ribs because a Thai lady sat on my bum, and spread her thighs on either side of my back, that we exchanged money….but I was honestly just there for a massage? Honestly!?
My story may not have had the intended happy ending but I was grateful that I was not dying. Honestly!
© A Heart Full of Stories, 2016
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